being in LOve [you inside me]

We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles.  Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
my first book, the 21-day LOve-fest, grew from my personal journey to know LOve.
my previous posts reveal my personal LOve challenges.
7 or so years ago i experienced a deeply heart-swallowing, soul-conquering,
mind-engulfing depression [ugh]
at that time, i spent days in an environment over-run by dark energy,
nights bound to a LOve[?]relationship that disfigured meheart, and time in between begging GOD for relief---
that didn't [seem to] come. 
my faith in miracles, in hope, in goodness, in LOve evaporated after a few years of
begging god to... bless me?  my eyes fell shut to the belief that there even existed a GOD
out there
{though maybe there was one, but the GOD wasn't servicing grown-ups pupils over the age of 35 anymore}
the giving up, letting go, the idea of GOD being out there
was the belief- force that triggered the shift in me. 
i gave up begging---and merged with people in the "dark" environment- feeling i was them, they were me, and suddenly One--and in doing this, i felt a closeness, a singleness, a connection that eased the tension.  i set myself free from the stormy relationship and imagined he would release me.  this time, i didn't look back, except to visualize him moving forward into the LOve that would serve his intentions.  
as far as the god part,
oh, i found the GOD
in all of my decisions
to merge, to connect with others instead of judge and remain separate,
to wish the same LOve for someone as i wish for myself, even for someone who hurt me.
and i am still seeking GOD [without begging]--now in shamanism, in buddhism, in hinduism, in my friends, in jesus' teachings, in rumi, in music, in poetry, in the park, at the beach, in my puppy, in dance, in the mirror, in your words...
and yes, i know
GOD exists
as patient silence,
in honoring connection,
in deferring to LOve
in the appreciation of everything
inside 

your task is not to seek for LOve, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it
~RUMI