my level of intensity can [and usually does] bounce in the red when i'm teaching,
but i am usually aware of how many decibels of passion i'm emitting,
and i am pretty capable of directing my intensity in favor of being inspirational.
{which happens to be a great strength of mine--but there is always a shadow side to each strength/a light side to each shadow}
in a particular class last saturday, i my serious and intense wave
pummeled the precious heart of one of my students.
sure/conscious of the catastropy at the time, i scrambled to honor her before she left my class
[i found an indirect way to tell her that "yes" the way i conducted myself
sucked, and please forgive me for not really being present with you in the light you deserve].
still, i knew that my energy was so sucky on saturday because of a "deep serious-ness"
that was sucking on my system.
sometimes i have a problem being too serious,
a problem because it means i'm freaking inside ::
maybe i'm not doing things right
maybe i believe in my fears
too serious
to shift it
i
connection + oneness
let all i share flow --unobstructed by my own fears and pursuits--
and into the LOvespace
that entrusts
me to dwell within you/you within me
6 comments:
What a graceful exchange of thoughts and affirmations for inner and shared peace. Thank you dear wanderer. Peace, Mary Helen
I love how you understand that just changing the wording can change everything. I'm very inspired by the idea of knowing that my own fear cannot obstruct Love. Ever. Thank you.
we were riding in parallel universes on Saturday...I was filled with overwhelming rage and so nasty to my beloveds...this was a reaction to high dose steroids for three days for an ms exacerbation...I had no control...But now that I'm back to being me...IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE HOME IN MY OWN BODY/MIND again!!! all is forgiven...they understand that I can't help it when the meds snatch my body like that...but still I felt so awful!
It is so painful to watch oneself behave badly, blasting unkind words, and not being present but a distant witness...so glad that that is not my norm or yours either....so now...we just keep cultivating metta for our beloveds, our students and our beautiful selves too...we all have rough days.
On a human level, we are all imperfect, always mindful that those imperfections should never be motivated by ill intentions and that our work remains to improve the human form. However, on a spiritual level, we are cast in perfection, a reflection of Love. Rather than seeing the human response, it is inspiring to see your spiritual side rise above all else, perfect in love and kindness.
That you knew your energy was harmful is what makes the healing possible. Thank you so much for your honesty and insights. This is just what I needed to read today.
hey friends-deb, anonymous, laura,teresa, mary helen!!
this was a difficult post to make. i was a little embarassed. thank you for your input, understanding, and new perspectives. they have, and always do, help me see myself and see others clearer.
michelle,
thewanderer
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